Friday, May 22, 2015

Patreon Details

Note to backers: Based on e-mails, tweets and my blog polls, my payment model has now been switched from per-video to per-month. This means that the amount you've pledged will be cashed out at the beginning of each month via whatever online transfer method you selected.

Should this cause you to reconsider your pledge amount, please adjust it as you see fit before you're charged.

A couple of people have suggested I go into a little more detail about my funding campaign for those who aren't sure what Patreon is exactly and how it works.

What is Patreon?

- Online crowd-funding platform.
- People support artists producing content regularly.
- Not donating towards single project.
- Anybody can pledge any amount.
- Pledge amount cashed out at each month's end.
- Pledges wired through one of numerous online banking services (Paypal, etc.)
- Pledges can be adjusted, cancelled any time.
- Rewards for backers.
- More rewards for greater pledges.

How do I support you?

Here's my campaign page:

Jon's Patreon Campaign Page

Becoming a Patron is simple:

- Click above link.
- Enter pledge amount in 'Give $X per month' field.
- Click large, orange 'Become a Patron' button.
- Select your reward.
- Enter payment info (via Patreon or Paypal).

The various rewards can be seen by clicking the link leading to my Patreon page and scrolling down.

The rewards have recently been updated, along with the campaign description.

As I said before, I encourage you to only donate what you feel my content is worth to you.

Thank you all so much for your support thus far, I'm thrilled. Please stay tuned.

Cheers,
Jon

Thursday, May 21, 2015

REQUEST: Logo Designer

Would anybody be willing to design a logo, perhaps an animated one for my studio, 'Imaginative Logo Productions'? Retarded, I know.

I have a vivid visual concept in mind if anyone's interested, and I welcome to contribute your own style. Willing to pay If desired.

Nothing fancy, no lighting, explosions, jets, just a minimalist drawing of a boy being poked with a stick over and over and then scowling. The kid doesn't even need to have hair or a nose, simplicity is good, but I'm flexible. The kid can be unisex, in fact. No gender-identifying features. I'd like that. Something that looks cool, but a bit crude as well, roughly drawn. I drew the current logo in MS paint, after all.
Concept Art

If you have concept art or a finished product you'd like to show me, please e-mail me at jcjgraham@hotmail.com with the subject line 'Logo'. Seen some really great work from you guys so far, so I'm stoked if anybody comes up with anything. If not, no big deal.

Again, don't be afraid to let your imagination run wild, I understand the importance of collaboration and don't believe I'm a problem to work with. I love seeing other people's work. I'll only really object to something if I feel it's detrimental to what the logo's about. "Who cares about the logo, here's the movie", that's what I'm after. At the same time -- "Don't push me, motherfucker."

Cheers.  I'd be willing to pay more for some site banners and thumbnails too. Site's shite.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

There's Actually a Line in Comedy.

You can joke about anything -- anything. Except the Scots. I'm Scottish. Those jokes are objectively not okay. Thanks for understanding. :)

I lost my Scottish accent when I accidentally slashed my vocal cords with my broadsword while I was drunkenly beheading the English.

In full Braveheart make-up while I was doing it, shouting "You what, mate?" and "Square-go, like!" over and over, calling them all cunts.

I'm joking. My face was caked in so much blood you couldn't even see the make-up. And when the next wave of English soldiers thundered atop their steeds towards me, I stood on a hill, lifted my kilt and waved my bare ass. Cock and balls sweeping left and right, slapping my thighs.

Luckily I managed to keep the wave at bay with a lively Scottish bagpipe tune. Horses reared in agony. The heads of those leading the assault exploded. Soldiers fell off their saddles, clutching their ears.

"FREEDOM" I shouted defiantly at the retreating horde of English scum.

And collapsed, dead, a life-time of daily hard alcohol and drug abuse and scalding hatred for other races having finally taken its toll.

It's alright, I'm performing a highland dance with my bonnie lass in heaven now, after the English raped and killed her. Every soldier.

It's always the fucking English.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Old Joke Articles

Hey.

Here's a bunch of joke articles I wrote in the past I dug up, thought you might get a chuckle.

* * *

Writer

WRITER WANTED

Are you a lover of literature and film? Are you creative? Do you have a flair for the written word? Well, we have an open position among our creative team that might be just right for you!

Responsibilities:

- Cleaning the office. We will supply lemon Pledge. Its cost will be deducted from your earnings.

- Scrubbing the toilets. Overtime will be guaranteed following the staff's Mexican dinner nights. You are to supply your own respirator, boots and umbrella.

- Getting rid of that weird squeak in Dave's office door. Seriously, it's really annoying.

- Cleaning the office windows from the outside. The ones on the five hundredth floor and upwards could use a decent wipe in particular. Washing platforms are unavailable. If you are unable to supply your own safety harness, fishing line can be supplied for a small fee. Consider tying your clothing together for a rope.

- Picking toe-nail clippings out from the thick carpet while serving your back as a temporary foot stool. Dave collects them. Don't ask me why.

- Writing four award-winning screenplays per week, although five would be appreciated.

- Feeding the cat. Not that the fat cunt needs it.

Requirements:

- Master's degrees in physics, chemistry, astronomy, biology, computer science, mathematics, engineering, health science, behavioral science and social science from a minimum of ten institutions. Additional degrees are encouraged.

- 45+ years of experience writing award-winning material.

- Having read every book ever written.

Unfortunately, we won't be able to pay you for a period likely lasting several years due to some technical issues, but Dave regularly keeps the kitchen's refrigerator stocked with Mr. Freeze, and he says that you'll be able to take one per day for as long as you like. However, he includes that the ice cream sandwiches are his alone, and strictly off-limits.

To those unimpressed by the benefits of this exciting opportunity, I say, let's face it: writers are a bunch of faggots, really. They sit around on their asses, pretending that they're thinking really hard. The gig is typically just an excuse to slack off. They're hardly actual people, if you think about it. They're all introverted social disasters and idealistic pains in the ass. I'm not quite sure why they haven't all been rounded up and gutted like cattle for being so utterly useless.

Due to the volume of applications we expect, we may not be able to respond to them all. If interested, please don't hesitate to contact us.

E-mail: 0o_XxX_Pu$$y_$lAyEr_239067283907_XxX_o0@yahoo.com

Note: Serious applications only.

* * *

Pitch

I'm working on a feature film and have written a verbal pitch of the story to throw at executives in elevators that I'd love some feedback on.

"Hey, so, yeah. What's up? I've got a pitch for you. Story idea pitch. You ready? Okay, here it is. So, yeah. It's about this guy. And this guy, he's like -- he's, uh... hold on. He... oh, yeah. He's just a classic character, you know? Picture every great film character you've ever seen. He's like that, you know? And, uh... a bunch of shit happens to this guy, and eventually meets this other guy. And this other guy -- he's bad. I mean really bad. So bad that the audience will be jumping in their seats. And then the main guy is sent on this quest to do some crazy shit. I can't remember what exactly, sorry. But it's really important. I feel like I'm bogging you down with details already anyway. So, yeah. Eventually the guy does what he has to do, but then everything goes to shit. And I mean everything. His world is just turned upside down, you know what I mean? And then the bad guy that was in the prologue comes back, and you find out that he was behind all the shit. Oh yeah, the prologue. It's a flash forward. It's like Breaking Bad times a billion. There's like, an apocalypse or something. Serious shit is going down. There's like, aliens all over the place. Or werewolves. I dunno, whatever's cool right now. Zombies? Oh, yeah -- no. Vampires are still cool, right? There you go. Vampires fucking everywhere. And the head vampire is the bad dude that comes back at the end of act two. So, yeah. The main guy is in a pretty dark place, but he changes, you know? He's forced to change himself, and that's really the heart of the story. This decision is so pivotal that it's literally unbelievable. The audience will love it. And then the last thirty minutes are just a steep roller coaster ride to the finish. Car chases, naked women -- act three will have it all. Everything. And then the main guy and the bad guy have this sweet fight on the top of a space shuttle. Before you ask -- it has to be a space shuttle. The way it looks in my head is perfect, trust me. And then the planet is about to explode or something. Not quite sure how that happens yet, the story needs a few tweaks. And the main guy stops it somehow, and everyone loves him. The reason I'm in love with this story is that I really, genuinely feel that it's got something to say, you know?"

* * *

Suits

"You can remove the stitching from the pockets when you get home, but don't ever use the pockets. Except for the inside pockets, feel free to use those. Only ever fasten the top button, and make sure you unfasten it when you sit down. Make sure there's no space between the jacket's neck line and the collar of your shirt. Don't ever leave the suit crumpled. Always grab the pants by the seam, and keep it and the jacket stored in the protective bag and hanged. That comes to $670.11."

You care about suits, that's cute, and these rules are adorable -- but this one's mine now, and for this money I'll put my legs through the jacket, arms through the pants and tongue through the fucking fly while I walk on my hands if I want. Visa.

* * *

Courses

If you like Mathematics and Creative Arts, others who enrolled in this course also enjoyed:

SEO 100: Sneezing and Eye-Opening
SRHP 300: Stomach Rubbing and Head Patting
FCC 300: Feline and Canine Care
OWS 100: Oil and Water Studies
SGKS 400: Shot Geography and the Kama Sutra

* * *

Clifford

I spend more time on Netflix for Kids than regular Netflix because I'm a big child, and fuck you. I just finished watching the first episode of the animated children's series Clifford's Puppy Days. This show should stop existing as soon as possible. The whole point of Clifford has always been that he's a big dog. Clifford, the big, red dog. That's his full title. In Clifford's Puppy Days, he's just Clifford the dog. He has no unusual quirks. All he does is generic dog things. He's still red, but that's it. You can't just paint a character all one primary color and expect people to keep tuning in. Why don't you just call the show 'Clifford the Adequately Sized Dog'? Of course you wouldn't, because that's retarded.

And his size inexplicably fluctuates throughout the show. In one shot he's as big as his owner's palm, and in the next he's as small as a single grain of his dog food. What the fuck is that? I don't see any shrink rays. Is it a magic dog? If he is, why isn't he called Clifford the Magic Dog? Can he only shrink and grow back to his puppy height? What's stopping him from just growing himself back into a big dog again, rendering the concept of him being a puppy completely redundant? Clearly the people behind this show were smoking lots of marijuana, rendering this show another reminder that the highly dangerous drug should be eradicated before it kills everybody, and anybody who has ever smoked it should be locked in prison forever. Review copyright (c) Jon Graham, do not steal.

* * *

Feminism

"She's a bit of a feminist."

I've heard that phrase time and time again with so much varying emphasis and inflection, the definition of feminism has been lost from my grasp to the thundering, supermassive chasm of who-the-fuck-knows, and the difference in sound vibrations has given me a massive brain tumor that doctors say could make my organs explode any second. Cool, thanks. Hopefully I have time to finish writing this, let alone throw on a pair of fucking pants so I can go out with some dignity and the busty, scantily-clad emergency service technicians who find me don't point and giggle at my ugly penis.

'Feminism' has become a word like 'Jew' in the sense that one word referring to a group is both the appropriate title and the label of its offensive stereotypes.

What the fuck is taking Emma Watson so long to fix the world? Somebody's lazy. Hey Emma, some of us are trying to come up with creatively obnoxious ways to get people to subscribe to our hilarious gaming commentary channels on YouTube, and we don't appreciate all these distractions. Yes, you're an accomplished and beloved actress and, through your speech, pulled the term 'feminism' out of that aforementioned chasm and placed it neatly in the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of equality, as opposed to a thunder-struck, post-apocalyptic dystopia pelted by acid rain neon with radioactivity; a sea of three billion women in the foreboding, immaculate uniforms of the Nazi party's Schutzstaffel marching with unnerving synchronicity through the streets of cities throughout the globe, stripping nude the planet's remaining living males and dragging them along tarmac towards a massive industrial fortress to be milked for sperm before being locked in barbed-wire cages and submerged in pits of bubbling tar. Obviously your audience wasn't large enough, Emma. Get out there and do something else, for crying out loud.

On the flip-side, the confusion surrounding feminism doesn't surprise me all that much, given the one-sidedness of the movement suggested by its label. If I told somebody to get ready for me to assert my strong 'masculinist' views, he'd probably take his shirt off and start shadowboxing.

* * *

Resolution

War, disease, famine, oppression, slavery, terrorism; they were just a warm-up. It's time for us to band together and push the current consumer standard limit of 1080 progressive scanning video, the greatest threat we've ever faced.

Oh, 4K's being integrated? 8K's on the horizon, you say? Know who watches video at 8K resolution? Pussies. Put me in cryo and wake me up when I can watch 512K Netflix, then I'll be impressed. I wanna see the bacteria on the actors' faces having sex and getting into fights and car chases of their own. There's a whole other world full of stories going on there I'm missing out on. Fuck you, television and media engineers. What the hell are you guys doing, anyway? When you're finished playing Yahtzee or whatever the fuck else it is you shouldn't be doing, mind getting back to work?

* * *

Godzilla

Godzilla (2014)
Leaked Screenplay Excerpt (Alternate Ending)

EXT. STADIUM - DAY

Crowds of people having been evacuated from areas of the city fill the entire arena. We SLOWLY PUSH IN on a large television monitor mounted onto a wall displaying a critical news bulletin --

Under text reading the tag-line 'GODZILLA: PIMP OF THE UNIVERSE?', a shaky camera held from the interior of a news helicopter records live footage of the monstrous GODZILLA, wearing a black leather jacket and a sick wallet chain and throwing up gang signs as he sharply bobs his head to the pounding bass of 'SIMON SAYS' BY PHAROAHE MONCHE blaring from a Godzilla-sized boom box.

The song ends. Godzilla lets out a deafening, pant-wetting roar.

He pulls out an enormous cigarette from his inner jacket pocket, sticks it between his mighty jaws, kneels down and lights the end of it with the flames belching from a devastated children's hospital shrieking with the agonized screams of scalded youth.

He stands upright. Takes a deep drag of his smoke and exhales slowly, savoring it. He pulls out a giant pair of sunglasses hanging from his chest pocket, flicks them open and places them coolly over his eyes. He kneels again slightly to pick up his boom box.

GODZILLA
I guess my work here is done.

Godzilla slowly turns around, smashing his gargantuan tail against the side of a building, crushing dozens of people underneath falling debris in the process. He starts stomping away down the highway, crushing one family-filled car after another.

CRANE SHOT -- a man runs eagerly down the highway in pursuit of Godzilla, struggling to catch his breath; the young, fresh-faced soldier FORD. We PAN DOWN to meet him in a CLOSE-UP --

FORD
Godzilla -- wait!

ANGLE ON Godzilla as he stops in his tracks. He slowly turns his head and tilts it downwards to meet Ford's gaze suavely over the top of the lenses of his glasses.

GODZILLA
What's up, kid?

Ford struggles to find words --

FORD
You saved my ass back there.

Godzilla takes another puff of his cigarette.

GODZILLA
We got lucky.

The injustice of Godzilla's modesty causes Ford's face to clench in disapproval and his eyes to well with tears. He shakes his head.

FORD
Luck didn't have anything to do with it. It was your courage. And your laser beams.

Godzilla and Ford exchange prolonged stares --

Then Godzilla smirks.

GODZILLA
You know what, kid? You're alright.

FORD
You're alright too, Godzilla.

Godzilla sets himself down on one knee and holds his mighty fist out directly in front of Ford.

Ford beams as he curls his own hand into a fist and pounds Godzilla's.

Godzilla withdraws his hand and stands upright again. He turns away.

Ford wipes the tears from his face.

FORD
Where you gonna go?

Godzilla pauses. He tilts his head to one side.

GODZILLA
Wherever I'm needed.

Godzilla then continues stomping his way a little further down the highway and around a corner towards a sick Godzilla-sized motorcycle. He places his boom box on the chopper's rear. Climbs onto the seat. Starts the engine.

Ford, chasing after Godzilla again, turns the same corner --

FORD
Godzilla!

Godzilla pauses again. Looks towards Ford.

Ford gives Godzilla an awkwardly forced thumbs-up.

FORD
Thanks.

Godzilla says nothing for a moment -- then gives a slight nod.

GODZILLA
You know where I can get some pussy around here?

FORD
Wouldn't have a clue.

Godzilla scoffs.

GODZILLA
Queer.

Godzilla then grabs a hold of the handles of his chopper -- the engine roars to life and the bike obliterates thousands of buildings as Godzilla peels away into a couple of donuts and across the city towards the water. He grinds into the ocean and disappears under its surface with a thundering splash, the sound matched only by the storm of applause from the people of the city.

FADE TO BLACK.

END.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Season Eight, Patreon, Social Media Channels, Imaginative Logo

Hey, dugs. What's happenin', dugs.

Here's a bunch of links. Please click them, dugs.

Arby 'n' the Chief Season 8 - Extended Teaser
Arby 'n' the Chief Season 8 Soundtrack
Arby 'n' the Chief Patreon Campaign Page
Imaginative Logo Facebook Page
Jon's Facebook Profile Page
Jon's LinkedIn Profile Page

Sorry it's taken so long for me to write this. I have a love/hate relationship with writing. After writing the screenplay for the premiere episode of the season, which is currently ninety-something pages, I had to put some distance between myself and keyboards for a while. That's when I put on my post-production hat and started filming and cutting the teaser together. Lots of all-nighters.

Now I'm trying to build my pathetic online presence a bit before I finalize the premiere's script and film and edit the scenes that are left. Might have to hold a few brief casting auditions, definitely have a few e-mails to send out.

My blog isn't quite the heap of shit it was a week ago. I'm not the biggest fan of social media -- I used to hate Twitter. I think there's a blog post on here from me somewhere swearing to never use Twitter or something. So much for that. Unfortunately, if you want to make it in media these days, you've gotta make all these goofy profiles. Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, AssBarrel, DickPurse, FedoraHead, DildoSphincter, all the sites.

I made another retarded video. It's so gay. Check out how lame it is.

I also made a terrible synthetic, try-hard 80's-style soundtrack for the new and final season. You can not listen to it right now by avoiding the link.

I created a support campaign for the season on Patreon for some reason. Please don't give me any money, because the show's terribly made, has naughty words, poses an extreme danger to children everywhere and is, considering the terrifying damage it will inevitably inflict on humanity in the long-run, a plague upon the world.

Let's not forget the two service workers who died trying to unclog a couple of my episodes from inside the internet tubes. They drowned in internet. I don't know about you, but drowning isn't the way I wanna go out. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Except anybody who isn't straight or white like me. White power. Anybody want a ride to the rally tomorrow?

I wrote a wall-of-text biography on the page detailing my pained childhood and the roots of the series' creation even though nobody's interested. Be sure to start reading and give up on the first line of the second paragraph. Words are a thing of the past. It's all about emoticons and commentary videos now, they're the future of language. It's time we got with the program, guys. After this blog post, my entries will be composed entirely of pizza icons, soccer balls, party hats and random Vines. Some ASCII faces too, as if emoticons weren't abstract enough. Don't worry, you'll totally get them. What, you don't know what a forty-five degree angle mouth face means? Get your heads out of your books and read a text once in a while.

I placed some polls on the right side of my blog, and I'm going to put up a few more shortly after writing this, so take another look if you've answered already. I'm collecting data that will shape my video release schedule, which also effects which donation model I should go with on Patreon. What's the longest you're willing to wait between episode air dates? Do you want to wait a while for production, then have the whole season of episodes air once a week back-to-back? Are you willing to watch episodes sooner, but have to wait two or three weeks, possibly a month between episodes? Should I produce a single act of episodes within a season, then release it as a batch of one episode per week while I work on the next act, with a larger gap in between acts?

Please answer the polls if you have a minute, or share your thoughts with me via e-mail if you have an idea that you think I haven't considered and need to go into some detail.

jcjgraham@gmail.com

As of writing this, my campaign has seventy-two backers, with a per-video figure of nearly five-hundred dollars. It's quite thrilling. Thank you so much for your wonderful generosity. I'm really glad that the show has managed to resonate with so many people and bring such a supportive audience together. I'm in the process of putting the listed backer rewards together and will send them when I can.

If you have any ideas for rewards that aren't currently options on my Patreon campaign page and wouldn't be too distracting from my work on the show to deliver to you, please let me know. Preferably something digital, but I'm open to suggestion.

I created a Facebook Page for my new personal production studio, Imaginative Logo Productions. I gave up looking for graphic design gigs because trying to land one's so cut-throat -- wizards of Microsoft Paint like me are in such high demand.

Please like my page. I pour the likes into my blender, they make great smoothies for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It's a great way to stay in shape, and I haven't had to buy groceries in months. Facebook likes should be the universal currency, food, everything.

I made a profile as well. Please avoid spamming my wall with horse cocks. Seriously, don't. I don't want Mark Zuckerberg kicking my bedroom door in with his hands on his hips, wobbling his head from left to right as he asks in a weird voice what the hell's happening. If you intend on grooming me through private chat and burying me alive in a barrel somewhere after you've finished cutting and having your way with me, please at least lure me with plenty of tits. Like on that one True Detective, dude. You know the fucking episode. High five, bros. Up high! Down low! Too slow -- psyche!

So, I'm unofficially a university graduate with a Bachelor of Fine Arts in motion picture production. My convocation's in June. I made and fleshed out a LinkedIn profile to show myself off a bit to the corporate world.

That's right, I'm a pro-fessional. I'm the most professional fessional I know. I have a degree now, that means I'm the ideal candidate for any job I want. I'm guaranteed an income of at least six figures, a beautiful woman and a condominium. I've already scheduled a barbecue in my white-picket fenced yard with the wife, kids and the family lab. I'm not even married yet, no kids. I'm gonna hit a bar tonight and round up some broads to watch me get into a fight I start, and I'm on my way to the dog shelter now. I'm driving. I shouldn't really be writing this at the wheel, I'm on the highway, but I'm already doing coke. I'm looking through the front windshield every ten seconds, I think that's what you're supposed to do. The dog's name's gonna be Peaches. I can hear everyone honking, but I think they're just jealous they can't get a bump. What a bunch of queers. Anyway, you're invited to the barbecue, unless you don't have a degree. Anybody who doesn't is the scum of the earth and I fully support their public execution by beheading. A link to the petition will follow shortly. I trust you'll all show your support. It's time we did something about these fucking degenerates. We could always eat them, like the poor. Another reason I haven't had to buy groceries. Delicious.

Whoa, shit -- almost hit a truck there. It's alright, I'm back in my lane.

On the left side of the site you'll find a list of all the episodes of the eighth season to come. The overall structure, number of acts and episode titles are all subject to change, as they usually have been, but it might give you an idea of the story that's going to play out. I know people like to talk about this sort of thing, I do.

The feedback on the teaser so far has been great. No trolls, I'm shocked. Did you all die of starvation? It's like that feel-good scene in a zombie movie where the last of them are drawing their last breaths from empty bellies. Then I walk into frame in a dope jacket and blow your heads off with a hollow-reaction bullet.

Everything's been positive and/or constructive. The feedback really helps, including criticism of the story -- sometimes I've fixed plot holes as a result of fans pointing out things that didn't make sense. I hope that continues. I already have a list of fixes I've written in terms of story plotting and post-production based on what you've had to say, so thank you. The full premiere episode will be better for it.

For one, the watermark appeared a lot more transparent in Premiere's program window, so I'll make that more transparent. I'll consider getting rid of it entirely, but I'm not sure. I'll shrink it down at least, it is a bit distracting.

Also noticed lines at the edges of the frame between the letterboxing and the video boundary on a couple of shots in which you can see scaled video that's meant to be cropped out -- immediately after the upload. of course. I swore so loud that I woke up my friend. He lives in the Yukon.

One person wanted me to remove the black inner stroke from the white lettering of the toys' subtitles, purely for the sake of nostalgia. While I made every attempt to preserve the look of the original show to make it seem to the fans it never left, that's one alteration I'll defend. I looked at the episode without the inner stroke -- it really does improve the visibility of the text against the background, I have to keep it. I'm trying to mix the best elements of the show with upgrades that make sense, as all sequels should.

I appreciate all the critique, kind messages and fan mail, please keep it all coming if you're willing to take the time. They make me feel fuzzy.

I'll admit, you likely won't get a response from me as I'm juggling so many things at once, but I do read everything that I get. Every e-mail, every comment on every channel, so if you want to be assured that I've read something, don't worry. And if you've sent me a map I've requested and I haven't gotten back to you in a while, I apologize, I've been keeping myself busy with all this social media management. I'm trying to build more of a presence and network before I start rolling out content, I want to give myself at least a chance of success in this industry.

As well as shoops of me wearing #SWAG caps, swastika tats and smoking joints, very talented people have been sending me the likes of music tracks they've composed, fan art, samples, animation demo reels, vocal performances, et cetera. It's all been great, please keep that coming as well. Already seen some really impressive material that I'll be keeping in mind from now on for potential partnerships in the future.

Somebody made a comment on the possibility that I'm producing this season and launching a crowd-funding campaign to exploit the fans. It bothered me, even though it was one guy in a sea of positive enthusiasm.

I think the best way to address this is with honesty. Financially, I'm in a hole, and yes, the show does have a network of enthusiasts who'd love to see more content. Am I taking advantage? Well, I can't deny that my work on the show has been the most creatively rewarding experience of my life so far, and nothing I've done since has given me the same rush.

My time spent at school has had its benefits -- I now know how to work on a film set, have a basic understanding of all the equipment in each department, one or two more tools to play with when it comes to writing and some experience in every film production role, including first assistant directing which I'm not keen on doing ever again. Completely different thought process, all logistics; not for the creative types. I had two nervous breakdowns on my last outing in the position, constantly paralyzed by indecision contrary to my belief that, with all my years spent writing, I was at least mentally competent.

The best aspect of the program by far has been my network of peers, all very talented, creatively-driven and wonderful people, also with great senses of humor and a riot to party with. Great friends you can't put a price on, regardless of how steep the tuition was. So I may be hanging on for dear life from the tooth of a sarlaac pit of debt, but at least I'll get the odd poke on Facebook.

Other than that, I was often bored or frustrated to tears by classes and assignments. I wrote a lengthy rant about school in my Patreon biography.

I didn't think I'd be once I finished the seventh season's finale, but at this point I actually enjoy the thought of producing one more for a number of reasons. For one, as I've explained before, I like writing for Arbiter and Chief because their arguments are pretty much the same as the ones always happening in my head. In addition, the seventh season's ending certainly wasn't free of bitterness, and struck me as a perfect opportunity to create a final, positive act for the story. And to do it with no middle-man this time with full creative control and free of censorship? Sounds good to me.

I love making stuff, releasing it and reading people's reactions to it. It's like a comedian going on stage, putting on a good show and walking off ecstatic.

However, if I'm gonna work on the show, I could use a bit of help. I can't give it my full attention unless I can cover my living expenses, otherwise I've gotta take production assistant gigs around the city to pay the bills, which fucking suck. Jobs like that are where creativity goes to die. You're paid reasonably and fed well, but you're guarding a parking lot for seventeen hours, cooking in the sun, getting yelled at, frightened that you're doing a bad job because nobody makes eye contact with you, and you probably won't make it home until two in the morning. Then it's back on set for six or seven if you're on the next day, which a lot of people are. Some kids do that and school, I don't know how the fuck. Production assistants try to quit, but they look at their paycheck for their less intense job that follows and cringe at the thought of how much money they could be making if they just stayed on the film crew.

I can work retail, but I did that for two years during high school and I hate that too. I will if I have to, of course, I'm not saying I'm above that sort of thing by any means, but I'd sure as hell rather be making movies. I have the education now, as well as decent though somewhat lacking equipment, the distribution networks, established lore and audience. I can write and edit, thank God. I'm getting the hang of music composing  a bit more too, it's really fun. I think my new tracks definitely sound a lot better than my old ones.

I also have a willingness to excel with this season, as I've always had at the start of every one I've done -- I can see for myself a visually evident increase in quality with each string of episodes, and I don't think this season appears any different so far based on the effort I put into the teaser. The quality increase hasn't necessarily been in all the right ways for some, but ways that felt important to me as a writer and filmmaker at the time.

Anyway, if you like what I'm throwing out, I hope you consider helping me do this for a living. Given my previous seven seasons of work on every aspect of their production, I'm hoping I've banked some good will.

Paulie Frost is on the back-burner for now, but still a project I'm very passionate about and hope to work on someday. My current career goal is to one day be the showrunner of an animated series for the web or television. For those not in the know, you can find a synopsis of Paulie Frost on my Patreon campaign page, under the 'Animated Series Pilot' goal on the left side. It's a comedic action and science fiction cartoon I'd like to write and direct.

Again, thank you all so much for your donations, kind comments, feedback, critique, e-mails, tracks, maps, demo reels, images, gags, etc. It's all great. Really appreciate it. Please stay tuned.

Cheers,
Jon

Thursday, May 7, 2015